Sometimes I ask myself ... I'm real

Sometimes I ask myself ... I'm really so not smart to talk to you..or this is normal and you say so with all people. Increasingly, I conclude that I am a bad conversationalist for you. I have too much desire to speak with you just like human beings. -this is bad.
I learned to understand some vital things through you.
...need to avoid attachment to the people, no need to show your weaknesses, no need to be too sincere, need easier to relate to any situation, to have patience, to control emotions. I knew about these simple things, but never learned to cope with them. I learned one thing very well (!) -never admit that you need someone)
I would prefer a lot of physical pain and injury if after that I stopped feeling what I'm feeling right now ✌